When you're clinically depressed there is a lot of action and non-action going on in the brain--I call it stress. When you realize that you are in a down cycle there are somethings that you should avoid: reading self-help books about depression and anxiety--exploring suicide or other torments on the internet, save your money on self-help books and writing about your traumas and experiences in a journal. What happens is that your stress levels and anxiety heightens, (just like mine is now), and you begin to ruminate about your failures, loss of joy, personal losses, grieving and your self-deprecating thoughts.
In one of my recent ventures (as I am always looking for ways to be well, get my act together and to get back to my old self (I am my old self)), was to take on a course in how to get published in children's literature--in the middle of finishing my term, in the middle of grieving Christmas, in the middle of feeling sad about my relationship with my son--get the picture? I take a short, sweet, totally interesting 24 hour course on publishing over the period of 8 weeks. Perfect! Gives me something to think about other than myself and it puts me looking towards the future--good goal, bad timing.
I don't need to be in the past, I don't need to be in the future, I NEED to be in the NOW. Very liberating. I need to be present. I need to be in the now. What is exactly does that really mean? I've just had a critical breakdown--I thought I had to set goals so I have something to look forward to...My counsellor, who is very bright--suggests that perhaps now is the time to recuperate--to be in the NOW and to put my self-care first! She asks, "What do I do for self-care at this time?"
Well, for the short term, I've put away the knives and I've taken the chairs away from the door--so if you have a key, you can now come and go.
I've put into place a safety net that involves my friends that will come and get my dog regardless of the circumstances, if something should happen and I can't care for myself. OK--my dog's looked after. Check.
What happened during my last episode? I stopped eating and drinking the 3rd day in on the med switch. Causes faulty thinking, dehydration, loss of nourishment--tension.....so now, I make arrangements to go grocery shopping if I need to ( I can't really drive on the interim medications that keep me calm) and to help me to do any running around that I may have to do. I also keep nutrition drinks and nutrition bars in the house for emergencies--when I don't want to eat, or too upset to eat, etc. The hardest part about this situation is that I'm in a position of being dependent on others and that is difficult for me.
I have taken time off work this week in order to recuperate---not easy to do. I have doctor's appointments next week and I'm not sure that I can pull it together at this time. Anxiety.
Part of the self-care is to be selfish.
1. Read books (my form of escapism): I have an awesome digital reader and I stocked up on real books in November. The only part of self-care that I'm missing is the fact that I'm not exercising at this time. I talked to my counsellor about this--I have a lack of motivation, loss of energy and interest--one of the activities that are easy to do (without money, without special equipment) is--ta, da----
2. walking and fresh air and lately, because I've been more housebound (medication, yoga, swimming, etc., whatever you like to do--give it a try just one more time,
3. trying new recipes and trying to include as much fruit and vegetables in them as possible,
4. looking for ready cut veggies and fruit--no effort and I don't have to think about it,
5. Short TIMED naps--if you sleep too long it interferes with night time rhythms---as I'm sure most of you know--but naps/sleeping are another form of escapism for me. I just want to leave it all behind--forget about my stresses and my anxieties--so the longer I sleep/nap---the less I have to deal with when I'm awake.
Also, although no expert, advocacy is important. You need to be your biggest advocate--your loudest spokesperson--but you don't have to do this alone--find a good psychologist or counsellor that you can relate to and that can offer you good sound advice, or call you on it when you're less than honest with yourself or your faulty thinking gets in the way. If you're on medications, don't stop them because you feel better, ask more questions when you feel better--when asked, "How are you feeling?" Be honest. Perhaps you are not on the right prescription for you or the side affects are too great. Make sure you ask to see a psychiatrist--they are few and far between but if there is one in your community, ask for a referral.
The biggest thing about self-care is looking after yourself, however you choose, in the NOW.
For now, everything else can wait.
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